Excerpts from a weekend interaction:
We went to the fancy shoe store in Eugene this weekend. They perform a gait analysis and try to fit you with shoes that fit your feet. I had given in to new shoe pressure last weekend and was sporting my shiny new Asics Nimbus’. It was Wendy’s turn to get a new pair of sneakers and we both had been to the fancy shoe store before so we thought it would be a good place for another purchase.
I browsed around the store while the salesman started interviewing Wendy about her wear patters, foot history, etc. She tried on several pair of shoes, walked around the store, and commented on how the women’s shoes were all pink.
The salesman is talking about support versus cushion and all of sudden asks Wendy the “what are you” question.
Salesman: “Just out of curiousity, are you American Indian?”
Wendy: “No, I’m Ecuadorian.”
Eric’s Inner Monologue: (I bet he doesn’t ask me what I am…oh that’s right, I’m white so he won’t ask me.)
Salesman: “I bet a lot of people ask you that question.”
Eric’s Inner Monologue: (Nope, only white people…)
Wendy: “People think I’m Italian, Hawaiin, and even Malaysian.”
Eric’s Inner Monologue: (Why is Wendy’s race and/or ethnicity important to this shoe purchase?)
Salesman: “Chuckles. Well, it looks like these pink Asics are your best bet.”
Wendy and I looked at each other the instant the salesman asked the WAY question. I contemplated all sorts of sarcastic responses. I think the next time a white person asks Wendy the WAY question I will be ready. I think my first question will be, why didn’t you ask me if I was white?
Why is it that white folks feel the need to place people of color into a racial group? The salesman apparently had to know if Wendy was Native American in order to facilitate her shoe purchase.
What do you say when when you are asked the “What are you” question? Comments? Thoughts? Suggestions?
It’s generally accepted that I’m Latino, and most people assume I’m Mexican. However, the couple of times someone’s explicitly asked what I am, I just say “I’m Mexican.” No biggie, and I don’t get offended in the slightest. It’s harder to pinpoint a person of color and try and figure out his or her ethnicity. Go up to any random white person and ask “what are you?” and they’ll probably respond in one of two ways. 1) “I’m white,” or 2) “Well I’m half-German, a quarter Irish, I think one of my great-great-grandparents was part Cherokee, my mom was half-Italian, and I think I have some Greek in me too!” Or something along those lines, heh.
If it makes you feel any better, we asked our (white) landlord, albeit indirectly, what he was. We noticed his last name was Zito, and asked him “What kind of last name is Zito?” to which he responded “oh, it’s Italian.” No offense was meant by asking to satisfy our curiosity, and none was taken by him either.
As a fellow “person of color,” I too was curious as to what Wendy “was” the first time I met her back in NYC. Was I trying to lump her in some category, or “place her” into something? Nope! I was just curious :p And just to satisfy my curiosity, I asked her at the Ginger Man what ethnicity she was, and she told me, and that was that. Was it some sort of social faux pas I committed then, on par with Mr. Salesman? Or was it somehow _okay_ for me to have asked her what she was because I myself am also a person of color (and not white)?
Or are you just weirded out that the exchange happened while shopping for shoes, in which case it’s more of the context of how and where the question was asked more so than the actual question itself?
Hi Vic,
I think it had to do with both the context and the relationship. The relationship with the salesman was non-existent. When we were all out in NY City, it was a social event. We were friends who were meeting up for conversation. A relationship existed in which Wendy was soon a part of. And I do think that the relationship or power dynamic is different between two people of color. You and Wendy have the shared experience of living in what bell hooks describes as a white supremacist capitalist patriarchy. An anonymous white salesman, who benefits from white privilege, does not have that experience. The power dynamics are different.
The context with your landlord was different in that I am guessing you didn’t ask him about his last name within the first few minutes of your encounter. You had established a relationship that was more intimate than a 15 minute long shoe purchase.
To me, this seems like one of those situations that need to be reversed in order to be analyzed. I’ve never had a person of color ask me if I was white. If Wendy and I had been shoe shopping and the clerk had been a person of color, would I have ever been asked that question? Probably not. I think it’s another one of the white privileges. I will never (99% of the time) get asked what I am, anywhere or anytime.
I guess I would love to know what was going through the salesman’s head. What motivated him to ask the WAY question in between supportive cushioning and over-pronation? It seems to me that most white folks think it’s perfectly acceptable to question a person of color about their race/ethnicity using the “What are you” question.
In any case, thanks for commenting
out of curiosity, what did the guy talk to you about? if he did at all?
me? if I really wanted to know, I’d ask and try not to come off as hostile. “You know, we’ve been shopping a lot these past couple of weeks and Wendy’s been asked that a few times. i’ve known wendy so long, I can’t remember what people see that’s different.”
I wouldn’t do this as a learning experience for him, more to find out what’s going on — coz i’m curious.
I agree that an aspect of WP is that you don’t get asked. No one has to ask. But then, no one asks black people if they conform to certain visual cues, either. Which doesn’t mean that privilege is going on there. Just assumptions about what certain visual cues mean.
part of what’s going on, I think, is that people ask when their codes to answer the WHY question without asking are messed with.
(totally not related, but as a kid i went on a group tour of france as part of a club i started to earn money to go on such a trip. bake sales, raffles, car washes, that sort of thing. walking down the street, not talking, was enough to be accosted by people who said, “Are you American?” Just the cues of our clothes were enough: at the time, down vests were the rage, so that was enough to mark us “Americans.” Of course, there, the only thing that was going on was white male privilege and our being asked wasn’t because the person harbored dislike per se. though, hell, we *were* rude Americans when I think about that trip. nothing like a bunch of drunken, screaming 15 and 16 year olds on the Seine boat tour screaming like idiots at the mini statue of liberaty, while students from Germany, England, Italy, Japan, and elsewhere behaved themselves.)
My partner, R, says to ask if the quesion came before or after he started invading her personal space — to measure, fit, etc.
@ BL
The guy didn’t ask me any questions. He did comment on my shoes. Thanks for the non-hostile idea
I’m very keen on how white folks treat Wendy and I when we’re shopping, at a restaraunt, etc. Most of the time I get the attention, the business card, etc. even though I try hang back and seem disinterested. It’s like a mini-poll on racism/sexism. Will this person engage Wendy like they are engaging me? Most of the time I get treated like I am “in charge.”
The salesman was kneeling down in front of her when he asked. He was talking about the support of this one type of shoe and then BAM, he asked the question. (She had tried on a few pairs before he asked.)
I do actually get asked and ask the WAY question of other white folks sometimes–usually it’s when i think maybe person has a heritage like mine for some reason and for whatever reason i feel like talking about such things at the moment. Asked one guy recently if he has any Russian in his background (”do you have a little Russian in you? well, would you like one?”–sorry), he was just physically reminding me so much of my granddad. Wasn’t as it turns out.
so, yeah, i think those questions can range from innocuous, albeit still annoying if you’re really not in the mood for them, to, well, that: unconcsious assumptions about “others,” and the need to divide people into neat little boxes.
[…] See Eric Stoller’s Blog [back] […]
My nine year old happened to know about salesman’s question to Wendy and she immediately exclaimed, didn’t he (sales guy) know that she (Wendy) is human!
Yes, people seem to overlook the humanity and have the greatest urge to pigeon hole people. Reminds me of the Ethics of diversity class, when we participated in an activity to say aloud what we thought while one student of color stood in front of us.
It may be new to white people including the allies. As a person of Asian origin, I have had similar experiences. Some people, including my kids’ teachers, ask rather elegantly (I can’t quite describe the expression I see on their faces) while some don’t. In my case, they know that I am from south east Asia, and they play the guessing game.
At the end of the day, incidents like these may reflect the stages of awareness people are at, and I know there are more issues that need white ally power such as discrimination in hiring and promotion, New Orleans, etc.
Ramblingly yours
P. A.
I get TOLD my ethnicity all the time, not asked. “You’re Irish!” I don’t really care because I am fairly obviously Irish-American - my name, my skin, hair, eyes, stature. Why they need to say so, I don’t know, but I declare my observations all the time for no real reason, so …
Anyway, one of my coworkers is multiracial and I find that all these people try to be polite and not ask her, “What are you?” all the time by asking me, “So, what is C?” That seems even weirder.
There’s also the issue of how it’s asked: “What are you?” or, as someone asked me about C recently, “Why are her eyes all chinky?” … I mean, umm, yeah someone might thing you’re rude when you ask those things, jerk! There are better things.
In the case of people of color (take Latinos, for example), they may also be asked when they are going back. A Euro-American person is automatically assumed to be “American.”
The “when are you going back?” can be asked because they are always perceived as international.
NA
I often just tell people I’m white when I’m asked that question. It makes for great faces of confusion.
I think people ask that question when something trips their curiosity–when they encounter some marker of ethnicity that suggests to them that the background of the person in question might be Interesting. My (white) partner, for example, has a first name that looks Russian to most people, so he regularly gets asked whether he’s Russian, because hey, that would be interesting.
What’s insidious about it is that non-whiteness automatically marks ethnicity to many, many white people. They (we, really–I am not immune to this, although I try to be) see a darker-skinned person and are immediately interested in that person’s ethnic background. But whiteness is perceived as a default, generic, background trait, so when they see a white person, they don’t think about ethnicity at all, unless something else (such as an unusual name) calls it to mind. It’s a pretty blatant example of Othering.
Curiosity. It seems to be a powerful driving force in human beings. Was there any sort of problem with his curiosity? Or, was there a problem with the framework that he used to deploy his curiosity? The very same framework many of us were taught - or inherited. Is there some evidence that this guy was acting in any way other than curious, yet unaware.
There may be a certain epistemic privilege zealously assumed (presumed?) by those who claim to understand socially constructed categories. Wielding this privilege in a dominant manner isn’t - at it’s core - too different from wielding ignorance that sustains dominance as it manifests in racist, sexist, heterosexist attitudes. Moreover, wielding epistemic privilege against genuine human curiosity may be re-creating fertile ground for ignorance.
What do you think he really, truly wanted to know? About what was he genuinely curious?
How many responses to this situation seemed to agonized over the fact that a “white person” wasn’t centralized or, at least, included as an object of inquiry. Wait - what??? White people aren’t in the spotlight???
Anyone interested in paying attention to the “margins?” The “center” is getting a little too much air time.
…now, where did I leave my bell hooks books?
@ Christian,
I did consider that I might have been overly zealous in my attempts to “see” racism in the salesman’s question. (Thanks for reminding me that I’m still learning about understanding “socially constructed categories.”) Perhaps he was just curious. However, I tend to agree with Kevin, Jenn, and Wendy that the WAY question is an exercise in Othering.
I disagree with your comment about the centralizing of white folks in this situation. I didn’t care one way or the other that the salesman didn’t ask me “what I am.” I was more concerned with “why” he didn’t ask me. I feel that he didn’t ask me because I’m white and Wendy is “not white” and therefore must be the “Other.”
Maybe the salesman was “genuinely curious,” however, I have learned to listen to folks of color when they tell me that something is racist or oppressive. If a person of color feels “othered” by a white person, isn’t that a valid feeling?
I have plenty of bells hooks books that you can read. Feel free to stop by at your convenience whenever you’re in town.
Maybe I failed to communicate the two main points I had? Oh well, tomorrow is another day.
p.s. my wry humor and up-front processing are sometimes read as backhanded, unthoughtful assault. My apologies for any negativity my previous comments may have evoked/provoked. But the tension, that part is okay with me.
p.p.s. I’ve never thought that I had epistemic privilege until now. I even had to look up the definition of epistemic
p.p.p.s. I agree, you make me tense and I accept your apology. However, I remain open and willing to duel
p.p.p.p.s. I need some coffee for my dissonance headache.
I love that you think about stuff that most people file away. “Yet it is their tears and anger, the trying of their generosity and the acceptance of their helplessness, which are perhaps the true source of the splendor of their lives.” - Ursula LeGuin.
Once in a while, I get asked if I’m Swedish, although that was mainly when I was in New Zealand.
One of my ex-boyfriends is Latino and his family is from Peru and Guatamala. People usually either assumed he was Mexican( Latino ethnicity in the West as often defined by Whites for all Latinos ) or they would ask him. His skin darkened in the summer time and then he would be assumed to be Brazilian.
[…] Not too long ago, Eric Stoller wrote a post about doing some shoe shopping with his partner, Wendy. In the middle of talking about cushion versus support, the salespersyn turns to Wendy and asks the loaded, “what are you?” Eric asked me awhile ago to add my two cents to the discussion, and, of course, i’m a little slow in doing so. Thankfully, however, there are plenty of other folks out there who jumped on it and have really done a great job. […]
[…] Not too long ago, Eric Stoller wrote a post about doing some shoe shopping with his partner, Wendy. In the middle of talking about cushion versus support, the salespersyn turns to Wendy and asks the loaded, “what are you?” Eric asked me awhile ago to add my two cents to the discussion, and, of course, i’m a little slow in doing so. Thankfully, however, there are plenty of other folks out there who jumped on it and have really done a great job. […]
[…] Eric Stoller blogged recently about his girlfriend being confronted with the “what are you” question, and queried as to why many Whites feel the need to put people of colour into identifiable little boxes. […]
Alot of whites have asked me that question and it was due to my sometimes curly hair and high cheek bones but I usually don’t think anything of it unless some strange actions or comments follow my answers.
[…] What the hell are you? Kevin explains how he feels when people ask him “what” he is, making the astute point that, when ethinicity is uncertain among white folks, the question is about the origins of their last name, not what they are. Eric-Dewd!-Stoller started it all. Racism & Race : Bitch 9:03 pm : : […]
[…] One experience that has happened to me over and over again is when I go to an office or an information desk. The person on the other side looks at me and at my name, and then asks me “what are you?” Then, they try to guess if I’m Israeli because of my first name. Then they see my last name, and think either I’m from Spain or somewhere in Latin America. […]