white identity
Identity Immersion Paper (15%)
This paper will allow students to explore how one personal identity characteristic impacts her or his life experiences. A student will select and focus on one identity characteristic for an entire week. She or he should be constantly cognizant of how that identity trait impacts personal decisions, prejudices, stereotypes, and personal past experiences. Students should also consider how that identity characteristic affects other people’s perceptions and attitudes towards her or him. Students can focus on race, gender, ability, or sexual orientation. A different type of identity characteristic than those in the previous sentence might be appropriate with prior instructor permission.
white
White. It is the identity that always comes first. I usually say that I am a white-heterosexual-man. My journey to clearly identifying as White started in Iowa where I used to state quite emphatically that I was German. Of course I knew I was white, I just did not have my identities clearly defined. (Please note that I will use white or White depending on the sentence for purposes of clarity. The capitalized version is a necessity based on sentence structure while the preferred — lowercase, is a simple gesture in giving up a bit of my paradigm by subverting its written status!) As a 28 year old graduate student/professional student affairs practitioner, I have decided that white will be the identity that I will select as the identity for my identity immersion reflection.
Having read Helms, Wise, Tatum and hooks, my whiteness is something that I am cognizant of on a minute by minute basis. I feel like my social justice radar has been created by my ever present sense of self-awareness. I used to say that I advocated for diversity and that I was an ally for multiculturalism. (I still advocate for diversity and multiculturalism. I just have a better understanding of myself and how that affects my advocacy. It’s all about knowing your privilege and power.) I thought I was aware of myself and my whiteness. I wish I knew when I realized that I was white, but unfortunately, I existed as someone who thought they were only German, Irish, and Cherokee (the fact that my Native American heritage was completely repressed and oppressed was invisible to me) until I was twenty-seven. I do know that the second time that I found out about my whiteness was indeed a life changing event. I read Janet Helms’ White Identity Model and it changed my life forever. Helms’ writings affected me like a slap to the face. I was completely unprepared to deal with white privilege, white guilt, and the question of “what’s good about being a white person?” I have been able to address my privilege, the extreme amount of negativity that comes with the acknowledgment of that privilege, and to move towards a white anti-racist identity.
Why did I not choose my gender or sexual orientation as identities for this reflection? They are indeed part of my trifecta of identities. However, I feel that my gender (I’m a man) and my sexual orientation (heterosexual) have been fairly defined throughout my life. I do identify as a feminist and as an ally. These are important to me as well as the fact that I realize that I receive unearned privileges because I am a heterosexual man. I am well aware that sexism and heterosexism will only cease to exist if folks who have the same identities work towards the eradication of these “isms.” But, the enormity of white privilege as a complete system of unearned advantages overpowers or at least takes priority over my other identities.
A white week
This reflection is a snapshot of my experience as a white person for an entire week.
Monday:
It is a huge day for me. I am teaching chapter 8, “Diversity and Relationships” to my academic success class. I usually read the success textbook readings that my class reads and then pull useful snippets of information for our class discussion. I read the text and was amazed at the rampant heterosexism and dominant paradigm language. The text, which has provided me with a lot of useful academic success tips, seemed to have been written by two heterosexual white guys hell bent on keeping their privilege. I ended up changing my “Monday formula” to include a complete deconstruction of chapter 8. The week prior, my Ethics of Diversity professor went over Suzanne Pharr’s excellent work on defining the common elements of oppression. Pharr’s philosophical and practical definitions of oppression made for an extremely useful teaching model. I had planned on using it to spark a dialogue with my class. So, the class went like this: first we deconstructed the book, then we talked about the elements of oppression, and then we talked a little about privilege and power. It was an exciting class for me. Here I was, a white guy from Iowa teaching about power and privilege. I was very aware that my students were giving me the “he’s a white guy, he’s heterosexual, he’s not supposed to be teaching this stuff” vibe. It was not easy to try and discuss racism with a class that seemed skeptical of your ability to teach it. The students of color seemed to be engaged while the white students were resistant. The expressions on the faces of my white students were of shock when I stated that racism would only end if white people ended it. I informed the class that diversity was important and that as an anti-racist white person, I was trying to use social justice as the framework for my life. This was definitely the most interesting class I have ever taught.
At 11:00 A.M., I went on the Internet and checked my blog. I wanted to see if there were any new comments from a user known as “Poor Boy.” He and I had been actively dialoguing about white privilege and I wanted to see if he had posted. He had not, so I decided to respond to one of his earlier comments. I had been trying to discover a means to opening his mind about his whiteness. I naively figured that I had been able to strip away my ego and attitude and that he could do the same. I was wrong. The conversation continues…
I headed over to work and began a mid-day micro shift. While sitting at my chair, a couple came in with a question. The front desk folks were helping them with their questions when I overheard a comment that made me raise my head from my desk. “Are you from here,” said the desk worker. The couple immediately said that they lived in town. They were both people of color. I sat quietly wondering at my desk, were they asked if they were from here because they were of color? I have never ever gone anywhere in Corvallis and had someone ask me that question. I really think it’s because I’m white. Whiteness gives me so many unearned advantages. I don’t have to put up with annoying questions. It’s always assumed that I speak English before I even say a word.
Tuesday:
“Poor Boy” responds back to my comment. A new reader, “Fournier” joins our threesome. “Fournier,” a white guy who has similar progressive views as yours truly, writes up a comment that is more articulate than anything I have ever written. It is to no avail. White folks are not easily educated, convinced, or cajoled into an awareness of their privilege and power. My blog is causing me tension as I struggle to dialogue with strangers while the brick and mortar reality of graduate school covets my attention.
It is 4:00 P.M and that means it is time for my Multicultural Competency in Student Affairs course. The class has been a struggle. Without a meaningful discussion on power and privilege, the class has gone into comfortable resistance mode. I feel that we need to understand ourselves before we try to tackle a working competency. The class is separated into gender caucuses for the purposes of having a discussion about sexism and how we can work as individuals/institutions to end it. The best part about this exercise was the fact that the women in the class did not have to hear the blatantly sexist comments of some of my colleagues. I guess it is just too crazy to think that men ending sexism and white people ending racism can be accepted or discussed. It was an enlightening moment for me. I realized that as a white man, some people are going to resist what I have to say because they are not used to hearing it from a white man. If it sounds crazy, it might be just crazy enough! My philosophy professor has emphasized to me that there is not a hierarchy of awareness. I would posit that there exists a hierarchy of resistance that must be acknowledged and erased.
Wednesday:
It is time for day two of my academic success class. I plan on showing a clip from the Voices Project. This is a ground breaking documentary filmed by the Office of Community and Diversity. It features a segment on diversity and discrimination. Several students, staff, and faculty are asked a series of questions related to racism, power, and privilege. This is the second time that I have used the Voices Project as a teaching tool. I played the clip and then gathered my students for a discussion. Several of my white students shared their views about racism. The students of color were unusually quiet after I played the clip. It is so difficult to create an affirming, safe space while at the same time allowing folks who may have harmful views the space to share and learn. I reflected on my own journey as an undergraduate student who was unaware of my privilege and even my whiteness. It was a quieter class period than Monday. We ended on a teachable moment. One of my white students admitted that he is afraid/intimidated by African American football players who pass by him on the sidewalk. I told him that I respected him for his honesty and his courage. I said that the first step on this journey is self-awareness and that I grew up as a white person in a mostly white community. I said that the important thing would be to try to move beyond two-dimensional relationships that allow for only fear, distrust, and a lack of knowledge. I said that I had met several of the African American football players in my Ethics class. The players had in fact expressed sadness in a previous class that they were often vilified or feared because of their size. A few days later, the white student wrote me an extremely long email about his thoughts on what he had learned. He was journeying. It was an amazing moment for me. I had been able to connect with a white student about our whiteness. It was professional rejuvenation!
Thursday:
Due to an emergency, I had to substitute teach for a friend. She was the victim of institutionalized oppression. I will not get into the actual occurrence, but please note that she was the victim of racism and a few other “isms.” She has support and a few of us are going to involve offices that can stop this from happening again.
I stepped in to teach her class. The class had only a few students in it and once again, I felt like the students were shocked that a white guy was teaching diverse issues to them. I had the opportunity to reflect on the fact that due to my whiteness, I would never have to go through an experience like my friend and that I would always be questioned for trying to subvert the paradigm in which I will be a lifelong member.
It is late, 3:30 P.M. to be precise. My blood sugar is low and I feel sleepy. This means that it is time for my Legal Issues class. We have been discussing free speech and hate crimes and they are both on today’s docket. Thus far, the legal briefs have focused on cases where racism and sexism have been affirmed by free speech laws. I think that most of the white students in my class have absolutely no idea that it HURTS to hear about racist and sexist acts that have been committed and absolved. It HURTS. It hurts the people of color in the room, it hurts the women in the room, and it hurts me. What our epitome-of-fence-riding professor does not seem to comprehend is that by choosing cases in which racism is labeled as entertainment, he is hurting people. Can we have at least one case in which Black face and cross burning is prosecuted as hate? Please!
Friday:
On Friday I had the opportunity to debrief Tuesday’s gender caucus with a fellow student. She is a white person who has also struggled with her whiteness. We had a nice chat about the scarcity of time and the necessity of learning. We come from different philosophies but agreed that self-awareness is key to understanding what it means to be white.
Later in the day, I encountered a candidate for my graduate program (Friday was the second day of a campus visit and interview process for potential students to the program.). The student was visibly shaken up. Another student and I sat down and the candidate immediately shared that she had a horrific experience. She had been in an interview for an assistantship when one of the interviewers asked her an incredibly incompetent question. Apparently the question implied that normal students equaled white students and what, if anything would the student do for other students. The candidate was near tears. My colleague and I reflected that this was not the first time this had happened. We agreed to complain to the appropriate authorities. The candidate was shaken so much that she said she wanted to drop out of contention for the program. I encouraged her to stay. I said that she was needed. Her competency and commitment was needed. I said that “when” she gets into the program she can file a formal complaint. This conversation occurred between white people: my colleague and I, the candidate, and the racist questioners. It was a frustrating moment that further illustrated to me that most of the folks in the program have a lot of learning and reflecting to do, myself included.
white identity
Writing about my whiteness is really easy for me. I believe that I have found my voice and I am screaming. It feels good. It is risky to “come out” as a white anti-racist. The system desperately tries to put me back. I feel it. It pulls and I resist. It makes me a better person. This was one week. This identity is not something that I look at and then forget. I know that forgetting is part of the system. Forgetting disempowers me. It is an act of powerful self-awareness to be able to give up power.
Related posts:
Anyone who uses the word “paradigm” more than once in a single day deserves to be smacked. I count three, so here ya go: *smack*
; )
Corvallist
21 Feb 06 at 12:38 am
eric,
thanks for the compliment. i have to say i felt pretty disheartened by that conversation. i think if i’d been home, and not in utah, i would have been able to muster some better arguments. i think, though, that poor boy wasn’t actually interested in dialogue. maybe i wasn’t either. maybe we both just wanted to “win” the debate. i’m not proud of that.
i spoke to a friend who teachers interpersonal communication and she suggested that first you have to understand, before you can persuade. i’ve heard that before, read that before, it’s just hard to do when someone says something that really strikes a nerve. i think your tactic of trying to ask questions may have been more effective in the long run, had the conversation continued. of course, that would also have required every participant to have been dialoging in good faith. i’m not sure that pb was.
fournier
21 Feb 06 at 10:57 pm
Eric, That was a good piece. I wish you gave a few more details in place, but I understand why you didn’t; that is the disadvantage of blogging under your own identity.
My experience is similar to yours in some ways and very different in others. First, I grew pretty much without an ethnic identity. I thought of myself as White, and had no sense of an ethnic background. When I was in high school or college (sometime in the late teens), my grandparents did a family tree, and I found out that the Sullivans came from Ireland (Duh, anybody with any common sense would know that, but I didn’t as a child.) and the others in my family as far as I can tell came from German, English, Greek, and Iroquois backgrounds.
I can’t remember a moment I was aware of my racial identity, but I do remember the moment I was first aware racism, which made me think much more about my racial identity. To be honest about it, I don’t think I have ever been able to think about my racial identity without thinking about racism. In seventh grade, I had befriended the only Black male student in my grade (in fact, he was the only Black person I ever went to school with until I went to college). We would sit on the steps and talk after basketball practice because our mother’s were always late picking us up. A white female class mate confronted me in the band room and asked me if I had a crush on him. When I said no, she said, “Good because he’s black.” Taken aback by that comment, I had no idea what to say. It made me aware of my Whiteness and racism. I knew she was wrong because at that point (13 years. old) my parents had told me that “all people were equal and you shouldn’t be mean to people because they are Black.” I later learned about the problem with that kind of rhetoric, and I learn that my parents partially agreed with this girl who confronted me in the bathroom. Then I got really pissed, and rather than sitting back and putting up with racism, I decided to fight it.
Rachel S
22 Feb 06 at 5:43 pm
Thanks for reading Rachel. There is definitely a disclosure line that I try to walk. I am definitely out there with some of my stuff yet at the same time, I have to keep some things vague…
Eric Dwight
22 Feb 06 at 7:52 pm
Interesting piece Eric. I enjoyed it, esp as I am dealing with insitutionalized sexism. racism, classicim in my department currently.
However, one part startled me – “Writing about my whiteness is really easy for me. I believe that I have found my voice and I am screaming. It feels good.” How did this come about? Yes, peple may be resistent to you, as a white man, teaching and thinking about these issues. However, why is it easy for you to write about this – is it really a result of your own growing self-awarness, or is it yet another privilage from which you benefit? It’s not that you should stay silent, far from it – but I wonder your thoughts on this? How do we, as white anti-racists, walk this line bw self-awareness and self-gratification? When, if ever, does it stop being a mantle that we wear and a simple part of existence? And how do we share that with others?
Teach peace!
Amanda
26 Feb 06 at 10:36 am
Great question(s) Amanda. I have read and re-read my post. I actually had some doubts as to how the “my whiteness is easy to write about” sentence would come across. I guess I feel that my own journey of self-awareness has led me to a place where I am comfortable with saying that I am white and that I am okay with writing about it. It has taken me at least a year to progress from “I do not like Helms” to feeling guilty to asking what’s good about being white in a system of unearned advantages/privileges to speaking out as an anti-racist. It only “feels good” today because of the struggle of the journey.
Is it a privilege? I’m not sure. It could be labeled as a privilege, however, the “system” does not make it feel like a privilege.
Self-gratification, in my mind, flows into self-righteousness. I have been struggling with how I can “scream” without sounding like a know-it-all. I think I know very little and that perhaps my writing/screaming is helping me to know more about myself and how I can educate others…?
Eric Dwight
26 Feb 06 at 12:04 pm
Eric, I’ve withheld comment for a while on this post. It’s not because I agree or disagree, because you feel how you do, and that cannot be justified or detracted from by anyone. I think, though, that I’m simply sad for you. So much self hatred simply cannot be good for a person.
I talk about race from an intellectual standpoint, a factual standpoint, but I do not take any of it personally. If someone thinks I’m a racist, that’s alright with me. If someone thinks that they are the constant victim of oppression, I’ll think they’re paranoid but I won’t get upset with them. If someone says that what I’ve earned in my life was the product of an institutionalized prejudice in my favor rather than to my own drive and determination, I think they’re wrong, but I don’t hate them.
You are affected deeply, though, by things over which you have no control. Your color is a burden to you, a debt that you must repay, and I don’t know how a person can go through life with any sense of self worth if they feel that they and their heritage are inherently evil.
A Kansas City legend by the name of Buck O’Neil was passed over for the baseball Hall of Fame again this past Monday. He’s 94 years old, a legend from the Negro Leagues and founder of the Negro Leagues museum here in Kansas City. One of the lessons that Buck teaches everyone he meets is how to remain optimistic and kind, full of love, even when faced with adversity, racism, unfairness and the types of struggle that you and me, and the people of our generation who cannot, regardless of race, understand which this 94 year old black man has seen in his life. He rails against the current state of the black community that wallows in victimization rather than taking initiative as he has in his life to succeed in the system where he could, and build new systems where he had to. He rails against the white “do-gooders” who enable the dysfunctions of the black community as well.
Maybe you’re right and he’s wrong. But, to be honest, I’m much more likely to get behind a movement of optimism and love than I am to take seriously someone who hates them self and expects me to hate myself as well.
Poor Boy
1 Mar 06 at 8:39 am
eric – thanks for this post. Its always nice to see other folks challenging Whiteness.
I hope you’ll get involved with the project that a few of us bloggers (including Rachel) are working on called Ally Work. These are conversations that are very needed in the blogosphere and beyond.
poorboy – originally i wasn’t going to respond to your comment because i was afraid it would detract from eric’s persynal story, but i can’t resist. I wanted to address the idea of anti-racism as self-hatred. I don’t agree that recognizing and challenging Whiteness, White Supremacy, and unearned privilege is self-hatred. If anything, i think it takes a lot of self-love and self-actualization to step outside of the role we’ve been taught to play and to think of ourselves and confident, powerful, individuals who are capable of compassion and justice. Where i think that self-hatred often manifests itself in terms of racism and Whiteness is when people refuse to acknowledge and work against unearned privilege and continue to live a life of subconscious guilt. I think that guilt is a healthy response in terms of being an internal check system (if you are feeling guilty, then there is obviously a disconnect between your priniciples and your actions). But i think it is very unhealthy to act or not act from a place of guilt.
I don’t feel that Eric is acting or speaking from a place of guilt ro self-hatred. My impression is that he is doing so from a place of compassion. But perhaps you and i don’t need to project our own feelings on to Eric and, instead, need to allow him to be who he is and work the way he works while recognizing the inherent value in his words.
I also want to touch upon Buck O’Neil. I don’t know this persyn or know of them, but if heard similar things from other people of color. I recently wrote on my blog about my own choosing not to be a victim in terms of my own experience with sexual assault. So i hear where you are coming from. But i don’t think that what Buck is saying is all that divergent from what Eric is saying. Eric speaks as a White persyn about equalizing power and priviliege, Buck speaks as a Black persyn about equalizing power and privilege. That are inherently different in that Eric talks about liberation through hacking away at his own unearned privilege while Buck talks about creating power from a liberatory standpoint. We cannot have creation without destruction (life without death) and vice versa or nothing will ever really change.
And i liked to say that i didn’t like the jab you made about intellect and facts. Are you setting yourself up as the Male voice of Reason and Logic whie shunning all dissenting voices as the Other/Female voice of Emotion? When talking about identity and oppression, there are a lot of emotions that cannot be expressed through US Census data and APA research papers. There is a place for intellect and facts, but it is not above emotion, compassion, and humyn understanding. Besides, i don’t think that, as the comment seems to imply, Eric is writing from a place of unintellectual heresay. He just happens to be writing from a very persynal viewpoint, which is to be expected in a persynal blog. I don’t mean to attack, but i want to make aware the ways that such words can be perceived.
vegankid
4 Mar 06 at 4:40 pm
Vegankid, I appreciate your critiques. I think, however, that any definition of anti-racist which includes an idea that there is a white privilege that must be addressed to create a world of equality is simply flawed. On my blog, there is a story about white children actually doing worse in school because the system has been changed to help blacks do better. If one believes that there is a debt owed by those white children, then one would believe that there is no problem with those white children getting a lesser education than you, I, or our parents recieved. Personally, I have white children, and I’m not willing to sacrifice a damn thing for them, and resent anyone who thinks that I should be willing to trade their future for some unattainable idea of atonement.
As for the “ways of knowing”, I don’t find value in non-quantifiable assumptions, especially when what people have to say is at conflict with the scientific data.
Poor Boy
5 Mar 06 at 9:50 am
if you can find no value in persynal experience and emotional responses and healing, then i doubt i’ll find any value in any further conversation with you. In the classic words of the great poet, America Online, “goodbye.”
vegankid
8 Mar 06 at 11:43 pm
I would just like to say thank you. Thank you! I stumbled across your blog while looking for one describing identity in relation to the subject matter for my female experience class. I had to read Tatum and truly believe it. I come from a mulatto background and can not completely express my joy and hope that your blog has given me while reading it. It saddens me that it is even necessary to try to change racism and that people actively resist it even exist at all and personally no matter thier color. So again thank you and may you continue to help plyable minds turn on the light bulb to self discovery. Don’t let others failures to understand get you down.
Carly
17 Mar 06 at 1:26 am
Since the “Seinfield” character incident I was deeply disturbed about the issue of racism in America. Well, even long before that. As an African American female dealing with racism is a very disturbing and uncomfortable subject to look right in the eye. However, I must say Poor Boy’s blog comment on 3/1/06 really intrigued me. There were some very factual questions I had to ask myself. Am I a constant victim of racism or am I being paranoid? Am I affected by things I have no control? Do I feel MY COLOR is a burden? Further, do I feel I should be compensated for injustices that I have personally experienced and for those of my Forefathers? I have to admit that I have been a bit delusional, since fear will do that to you. These are questions that I can answer for myself and in doing so some issues have been cleared; however, I still struggle with the last question (one I thought about). I believe God made all people equal regardless of their race and we have been created to think as we wish, which is a God-given priviliege. People are free to think as they choose to. When it comes to the issue of any ‘ism’, I don’t think the answer is in blaiming the system. The answer lies within ourselves. We can use the “system” as a crutch but I believe the system only highlights what we truly believe and are feeling. Should I be compensated for injustices? There is no amount of money that can be paid for racial injustice and atrociites. I believe we will forever deal with issues that have been passed down to us because we will only give life to those things we feel empower us. If racism didn’t work for some, they wouldn’t do it. If feeling like a victim didn’t work for some they wouldn’t work it. I don’t like for anyone to judge me by the color of my skin but it happens. For the ignorant and self righteous who think I am some “monkey” and feel I should go back to Africa, my response to them would be, “Your sins are not my cross to bear”.
Inquisitive
6 Dec 06 at 11:10 am
Eric, you really seem like a great guy. Those whom get offended by your blog must feel guilty because they are not willing to admit and let go of their own prejudices. It takes a lot of maturity to be willing to look introspectively and admit that you are flawed, as we all are. The first step to fixing a problem is recognizing and admitting that one exists. You are refreshing!!! Thank you for your transparency and honesty. Minorities do not want any type of “payment”, we just want white people to acknowledge racial injustices and work at helping eradicate them. You are doing just that. There are lazy societal leeches in every culture but most of us are more than capable and willing to work for ours. Thank you and God Bless!!!
Cass
25 Mar 09 at 9:25 pm
White is a physical characteristic, not an identity. To presume otherwise with a one size fits all stereotype of “privilege,” IS racism, not its remedy. Unless you can claim omniscient knowledge of all people’s economic circumstances, as well as the underlying personal value choices that either support or sabotage every person’s lifestyle, you are simply a racist, claiming that your subjectively preferred stereotype of “white privilege ” is superior to a reality in which identity and the characters developed by value choices, as well as all economic circumstances are exclusively individual.
You have given this issue very little thought; what a shame you are teaching people to do the same. Taking racial pride in racial shame,….that’s your entire perspective; but there are no “races,” only individuals, and the actions of one person, dead or alive, does not actually enhance or decrease the value of another, regardless of their physical similarities. In fact and this may come as a big shock to a nonthinker such as yourself, but the real social value of one person to another is in their civilized, productive behavior, not their physical characteristics…and neither you, nor anyone else can omnisciently predict anyone’s behavior with a simpleminded glance at color differences.
JR Helton
5 Nov 09 at 10:43 am